Suzy K's Weblog

The Forgiving Waters

suzyk — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 06:16:03 +0000

Dear forgiven men
I promise I will never forgive you again
As I watch your face wrap up against another
I brush off my dirty skin and walk out into the distance
Shove a boat along the shore
Because there’s no way I can stay here anymore
There’s a pelican crying out in the background
And she’s looking real pretty up on the foreground
You’re clenching her hand and whispering my name
She’s hoping to death I don’t come back again
And all the time we spent swimming
Trying to keep our heads towards the clouds
Well all of that just got tied and bound
To leap off this plank into the sea
So you can see just how much you mean to me
And if by chance I learn to float
I will wait out the days until the storms come to chase
My withering body away

A Walking Desire

suzyk — Tue, 03 May 2011 07:36:53 +0000

If it doesn’t feel right… just let it go. Something new will come along… and then you’ll know. Every thing happens exactly how it’s meant to play out. If you follow the signs towards a different route. Chances are you’ll get lost in the crowd. Swimming in a sea of people you’ll stop and stare. Chances are he won’t be there. So you’ll search time and time once more. But you can’t cast an anchor without landing on the shore. So you’ll give up your hopes just to keep on hoping. That the life you lead isn’t all about coping. With the idea of being only on your own. Well someday you’ll find a place that’s closest to home. Drawn back curtains lining the shades. To let in the light from better days. Soaking up the window’s rays. You lay back only to contemplate… Which way would’ve led to the happiest of lives… well I guess I’m just happy to have someone by my side. And the pleasure is more pain when all things turn old. But I guess it can’t be worse than turning ice cold. Wanting nothing more than to just be alone. Well someday you’ll find a place that’s closest to home.

Where All Things End

suzyk — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:04:03 +0000

All the things we harbor in life
Doesn’t have any affect on how we live
We are passionate people
Choosing both negative and positive ideas
We overanalyze our lives and sit at tables with our problems
We cry at the sight of memory
We love those who cannot love us back
Passion is our prophecy
Calm and steady we are not ready
For the pulse of the strong
Weak up onto our knees
Bowing to tragedy
Live until we are giving up
Slit the sky at sunrise
If you don’t know how to cope don’t cry
We will all be lost as soon as the night crawls in
Find a reason to scream
At the rising sun
We all know we’re fucked up for what we’ve done
No one loses until they’ve won
Give yourself time and it’ll all be close calls
For death will rise above us as we build up the walls
Keeping you out and keeping me safe
Well I know how it is to want to play these games
Figure out your heart and give it all away
Away with your words
“I’ll understand it some day”

Mileage

suzyk — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 02:24:35 +0000

Sometimes my imagination runs wild
And I have to pull it back in
Expectations are a dangerous thing
When I saw you last night I was full of shit
So ready to let time speed up
Giving my every hope a resistant touch
Now my bed smells of shame
But there ain’t no one left to blame but me
Now I’ve got your number
But you’re just another face
I’ve got to learn to set free
We sat in your car for miles
And you couldn’t look at me the same
Your hand up my skirt the night before
Becomes just a history that can’t be changed
You smile at me with tired eyes
And tell me to let it go
Well I guess if neither of us remember it
It didn’t happen so
Maybe we should stay sober and in control
Next time we will fight it
Let it all just stay in
Forget we ever wanted something
More than we could get
Maybe we should stay home and protest
That love can’t happen when you’re too busy drinking
Drowning your soul in ways to forget
The many nights you spent kidding yourself
Loving only to regret

The Girl Of Your Dreams

suzyk — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 18:38:46 +0000

I’m so sick of this silence.
I’m ready for it to storm.
This lack of communication.
Has left us torn.
And in the days you spent avoiding me.
My mind has taken its toll.
Over my heart that’s been there for you.
That I hoped would never let you go.
So there you are across from me.
I swear you look so renewed.
Like nothing ever happened between me and you.
You’re smiling more than I’ve ever seen.
Telling me all about this life.
That you can’t go on living.
With me by your side.
I ask who she is.
And how it is you met.
But you curl up your lips.
I think you began to sweat.
The truth hurts me less.
Then the stories of your nightmares with me.
I wasn’t exactly what you set out for me to be.
My hair isn’t long enough.
My nails aren’t painted gold.
I’m not as easy as she’ll be to hold.
Yet it’s tough to let me go.
You stutter over your syllables.
And ask me to retreat.
It’s just that my heart isn’t as full.
As the girl you plan to meet.
Later that day you’ll call me.
She won’t be what she seems.
But I’ll already be moving on.
To a place not exactly in your dreams.

The Light At The End

suzyk — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 06:37:56 +0000

There’s a journey I’ve taken
Time and time again
To turn a lover into a friend
To take my suitcase
And roll it to a foreign place
I look back at him smiling
And try my hardest to forget his face
There’s a light gleaming in front of me
And I know it’s not too far away
My knees begin to tremble
And my heart begins to race
I stumble onto the sidewalk
A glimmer of hope seems near
And then i feel you walking behind me
You’re not sure how you got here
You’re grabbing at my hips and telling me to stay
Just one more time it’ll be different
Just don’t go away
My pace is galloping
My eyes are shut tight
My bag is wobbling behind
You’re screaming out at me
That you’ll never stop trying to find
A reason to manipulate me back again
We can’t just ever try and be friends
I’ve gotten myself into this
We’re on never ending chase
To squeeze perfection from disaster

Vital Signs

suzyk — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 07:06:25 +0000

I’m pressed for time
But I’ve been here for hours
And I hope to god you’ll be siting there
Across from me when the time is right
Everything will blur into a vast color spectrum
The smell of sour notes will turn to sweet religions
The counting of blessings will no longer be to a minimum
Your heart will set this world on fire
Dust and ash will replace our coffee shops
Tears and sorrowed cries will fill the streets
Like sirens screaming towards burning buildings
There are no heroes in this story
Only victims
Hallucinogens and crippled brain cells
Will feed the mourning souls
Drunk with passive aggressive tendencies
They will perish in emotional existence
Falling to their knees as the bottles in their hands clank against the pavement
Face down they are consciously dwindling in their sick habits
Tragedy struck the fear of the already dying men
Their brains like fertile animals
Waiting to soak up the chaos
Feel the power of their lives dramatically change every thing they had built up to mask all forms of moralistic fiber
I sit and watch the earth bleed with depression
Soak up the soil with the constant struggle of my time spent
But I’ve been here for years
And I hope to god you’ll be coming here
To take me out of my misery

Changed My Mind

suzyk — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 04:43:52 +0000

What’s it going to take to get you here tonight – What’s it going to take for me to do this thing right – for a change – I’ve got to remember – I’m nothing different from those other girls you’ve cared for – Nothing is ever worth it’s weight – if what you’re calling for – is just to procrastinate – another time – another place.

I can’t seem to tell – What it is you’re looking forward to – There’s just no use – There’s just no time to be confused – It’s not me – it’s you.

It pains me to say that we probably shouldn’t meet again – You’ve taken full advantage of my far fetched dreams – I’m way too far from reality – You’ve given me too many reasons to quit while I’m ahead – don’t you get ahead of yourself there’s no use crying over something so brief – We can’t have regrets for such a short-lived relief – From the kinds of troubles a real relationship might bring – Well I’ve got my priorities for this life I’m living in.

To hell with all the trouble I meant to go through just to keep you – around.

What’s it going to take to get you to leave tonight – I’ve got worries about getting the next one right – I ain’t got no time for a fight – led on by all the men – not ready for more than just one night.

I just didn’t see these false hopes coming – Maybe I thought I could turn nothing into something – I’ll give you the benefit of saying the first goodbye – But I’m still leaving – still hoping – to not be alone tonight.

The Smoke Sent Out Of His Nose

suzyk — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 22:02:31 +0000

Give me a calling
I’ve been seduced
These jealous men
Can no longer be produced
In my head you’re gone
And you’re never coming back
Crushed like glass under boots
I’m going to go out tonight
Just to forget you
Well baby we had our glory days
Laying on the gravel
Watching the sunrise pass
As we slowly unravel
And there’s no amount of lemon
That can chase those memories away
Baby I’m not saying you’re sour
But you’ll be pinching nerves
If you stay for one more day
I can kick and I can scream
But you ain’t never going to get the news
That I’m not ever going to be in love
If I don’t get to be in love with you
It’s a choice I didn’t get to choose
My mind is set on chasing stones
Towards the stoned
Man – with the smoke sent out his nose
Down the road
Maybe we will work together
But I don’t think I’ll ever do better
As soon as the high
Subsides
You’ll realize you’re alone
I hope it’s not too late
For a stoner’s fate
Towards the girl who will wait
Too long for the smoke to rise
Towards the stoned
Man – with the smoke sent out his nose

Letting Go

suzyk — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 06:05:25 +0000

There are things about heaven and hell that I have accepted into my life.
That good and evil do exist and that good things get praised while evil things are harshly judged.
But what if all that has changed?

What if we have spent our entire lives thriving on our disgusting urges and we’ve forgotten what it is like to live with the consequences of our actions?

When I read stories about people getting killed for sinning and cast away for being crude… I start to compare it to our time. How no one would ever let that happen these days. How we are all safe to be just as shitty as we want to be just so long as we don’t cause harm to other people. Self destruction used to be looked after more carefully. People would observe whether or not the things you were doing were right or wrong. Now we grow up to believe that right is what you make it and wrong is a more terrible happening. But if we aren’t looking to guard our bodies and our minds to remain a more pure being… if we aren’t worried about harming ourselves in our daily routines… then maybe we deserve something worse than hell. Maybe we deserve a life that will never be anything more than terrifying. Maybe we deserve to struggle more than anyone else has. Or maybe we just deserve to be watched over by someone who will make us realize that even though we have been horrible in the past and we have let ourselves be sought after by temptation, we still can change. We can fix our lives according to new beliefs and be happy once again. That even though we’ve been somewhat criminal in the way we treat ourselves… we can all turn it around. They say no one gets where they are without some sort of a struggle. That no life is easy and we shouldn’t be so quick to think we have it bad. But when pain and struggle become common and salvation looks slim… I like to think there was a time where even though holiness was of utmost importance… people still felt empty. They still turned to chaos to fill their voids. And maybe our dramatic tendencies are just part of the plan. No matter what era we live in… no one is sacred. We are all meant to be bruised before we are mended. Just so long as we do not break, we can still feel bounded to someday smile again.